Just a Reminder…

What He says matters most.

Writing this blog on the heels of Valentine’s Day seems to be the best timing to remind myself (and others, since this is open to the public) of that.  It’s the day some of us secretly measure how valuable we are.  I did it before I met my husband, while I was married, and I do it now… Measure.  It’s kind of silly when I think about it, but it happens automatically. As soon as I log in to Facebook, I pull out the invisible scale.  Only on Valentine’s Day, the balances are shaped like  hearts

I still have yet to find anything more comforting and more true than the Words of the One who created me. That who I am really doesn’t matter.  It’s not an easy task to turn off the noise of a world obsessed with self, and accept the reality that we’re made of dirt. But the mere fact that we’re made from stuff  so shallow,  into something so wonderfully exquisite, only magnifies the One who did it.  He’s the genius.  His creativity is incomparable and His attention to detail is unparalleled.   Who is like Him?

 ”Who hath measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, and meted out heaven with the span, and comprehended the dust of the earth in a measure, and weighed the mountains in scales, and the hills in a balance?”  Isaiah 40:12

There is nothing more freeing than placing all our “value” in who God is.
That uneasiness that I feel periodically when I start to measure and compare myself, my life,  my looks,  my accomplishments, etc.,  with someone else’s  is there for a reason.  And recently I’ve  started to see that discomfort as a gift and a reminder to reconnect to the Source of true joy, the Source of completion.
I’m removing the scales… from my hands.. and my eyes.

The 9th of January

Today was special for both of us…
Kert loved celebrating special days that gave him the opportunity to shower his loved ones with attention.  Actually, it was his time to shine because all the thought and preparation that he put into making the day special, paid off. He was a quiet man, so his actions were important and significant.  Mother’s Day never ever passed without corsages for both our mothers and me.  The anniversary of the day we met, our first date, Sweetest Day, Valentines Day and every other Hallmark holiday you can think of was met with some small reminder that you were special…to him.
I saw early on when we started dating, what I was up against.  I would have to be reminded that it was my own birthday, let alone someone else’s. Christmas, Thanksgiving and other holidays have never been extremely important to me. I’ve always celebrated for cultural and social reasons mainly. So seeing how much thought Kert would put into special days gave me a clue that I would at least have to make his birthday special.
I’ll never forget celebrating his birthday for the first time as a married couple. I’d never made a cake from scratch before, and I was determined to make his favorite. German chocolate. I had the recipe in front of me and  I even got my sister-in-law (who’s an excellent baker) on the phone to help me… He ate… some of it. Lol!
What I learned from my husband was how to keep people in mind…  to show them that you care because words can be forgotten.  Love lies in the details and when you simply pay attention to people, you can find ways to help build them up.  It doesn’t necessarily take holidays to do that, but every opportunity that arises is chance to display God’s love.  It was God’s love that I felt on Mother’s Day, our wedding anniversary, the anniversary of our first date, Sweetest Day, Valentines Day, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Day…and days in between.

It’s easy to remember Kert’s birthday. I was blessed with the opportunity and the honor of loving him back.  

A Thought on Grace

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated with grace.
I should point out that this particular entry isn’t an attempt to describe from a theological perspective, what grace is or entails. I’ll let the scholars handle that… These are just my thoughts on what grace means to me.. today.

I heard a powerful message this evening that dealt a little with our struggle with sin. The speaker did an excellent job of bringing light to a subject I’ve consistently toiled over for so long.
Even as a “seasoned” Christian, I find myself adding to my list of faults and shortcomings as the years, weeks, days, and sometimes minutes go by. I just cannot perfect this walk, for the life of me. I can identify with Paul’s lament “For the good which I desire, I don’t do; but the evil which I don’t desire, that I practice!” (Rom. 7:9) Sometimes I stop and speak to myself (don’t worry) and to God saying, “Okay… just how, does this grace work?” I need to understand it, feel it, quantify it, see some type of visual…something.
The fact is, grace is simple to God. I think I make it complex because deep down, I want it to be something that I can earn. Not just by doing good (which I believe grace empowers us to do), but I sometimes sense the need to “make up” for what I’m not doing good. Can you imagine…?
By God’s grace, I’m starting to understand I can’t hold onto grace. It has to hold onto me.
I can only remind myself that it’s there by keeping my eyes on Christ. As I see Him… something “amazing” takes place. I start to change… (2 Cor. 3:18) Thinking about His words, reading about what He did for others who struggled with sin like me, accepting what He did on the cross, believing that His Spirit is working in me and for me… all of it. Beholding Him.
The striving to be like Him will always be a part of who I am, simply because He’s who I admire the most. Not struggling to earn approval for actions that will never begin to measure up to His works.

Alone?

By yourself you’re unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped. Ecclesiastes 4:12

My friends are like diamonds. And I have a chest full. Thank God…
While some have seen my struggles, my victories, my failures and mistakes over the past 20 years.. Some have only been around for the past few months. One thing I’ve found, is that God can, and has used them for different reasons. Not just for support when I need it, but to help me gain perspective.
Today I realized, while today was not the “best” of days for me, I have so much more peace than I did 1 year ago. Outside of some of the final stages of a long grieving period, there was nothing major going on. But I was still a little bitter about having to be single again. For several reasons, I was so happy to be done with that single scene when I got married. So to have to deal with it again as a parent this time around was a quite a jolt.
I would lie awake at night and if I wasn’t crying, I was asking God, “How in the world do you expect ME to do this? Alone!?”
No answer.
It has taken some time for me to realize that I haven’t been alone, even though I’ve felt like it at times. Time… to lift my head and look around at all of the people God has surrounded me with to support me and my son. Some of them making sacrifices of their own. Some of them are married couples, some of them single with no children, some are family members with 8 children of their own. I have divorced friends, elderly, and young adults who reach out and want to be a part of our lives as much as we want to a part of theirs. I am in no way… alone.
It is a literal fight at times to shake off the “I need a love to call my own” feeling when I see couples together. I am and will remain…human. But really thinking and opening up my eyes, I see that I have more than enough love to call my own. I’m greeted with warm hugs by all of my friends and family. Asked, “How was your day?”, through text messages. Phone calls and emails just to remind me that I am still on someone else’s mind and that I’m being prayed for. I’m blessed beyond measure….
All of those nights I spent asking God, how did He expect me to do this alone?
God still hasn’t said a word. I guess showing me was better.

Something Strange Fell from the Sky

It didn’t make a sound either
It hit the ground and sat there
Seemed like no one saw this thing but me
Not one passerby noticed
Just walked over it
Or around it

Blew my mind
No pattern, structure, or rhyme
Guess it was mine

As heavy as it was, it was perfectly mine
The name I never knew I had was written on it
My arms strengthened as I carried it
My hands became familiar with every edge, groove and point
The smell within its folds and creases was unnatural at first
Then It became my own.

I’d heard of the color before, but it was nothing like I had ever seen
An odd mixture of darks
Deepening as tears soaked into the fabric parts

It came with no instructions
And called my wedding ring a memory
No manual
So I put it on my back

Just as sure as I saw it fall
My head felt the clasp of two hands
They fixed my open eyes upon the certainty of pain

Just as sure as I saw it fall
My ears heard the voice of my Rock
It spoke in a silent comfort and gave me peace that I had never experienced before

What was mine became His and my back felt the touch of His hand as it took away the weight of what was strange to me
I didn’t ask for an explanation
I was just relieved to see Him

An Answered Prayer

We’ve prayed the same prayer, just about every evening since Kameron was 3 years old.  That God would help him to understand and grasp what was needed to navigate through life. That he would come to know God and that his life would be used to his glory.  It’s heartwarming to see how he is drawn and responds to the things of God.
This is one of those prayers being answered, right before my eyes.  His “Uncle Brandon” was his special request to go with him in the water. He even left Thomas the Train at his seat.  Pastor William Hughes did an excellent job.

Kameron's "security blanket", Thomas the Train

In the video you can see just how ready he was to be baptized.

I am so excited to see how God is going to use this vessel to honor Him and give Him glory. Kameron is unashamed. What a witness he will be.  Make way for this child.

Pastor William Hughes presents Kam with his Certificate of Baptism. May 21, 2011

To Be or Not to Be… Affected

Don’t worry. This won’t hurt. It may not end on the positive note that it should, but it’ll be honest.

Life for most of us has been hard and if it hasn’t been, just give it time. Your body will age, your bones will crack, and your sight will fade. You will have to trust somebody for help.  If you’re like me,  you wince at the thought of asking for help. You’d rather be the one to give it. But what ends up happening is, someone takes pity upon your poor stubborn soul and jumps in to help you because they know….that you won’t ask.  That person has been affected.

The Christian thing to do when you see someone in need is to offer help.  The problem with that is, everyone is a Christian today. That title has been so watered down and blurred, that the word alone is pretty much synonymous  with American. What IS American? This country is a fusion of world culture. What gives us distinction is that it IS a fusion. Christianity in America reflects the same.

Back in ’99,  I remember being on a bus in Mexico City and seeing a man with no legs sit in the middle of a busy intersection and ask for money.  What struck me, was that he did not beg. He barely had to ask for it. Almost every passerby dropped money in his cup.  I pointed out the oddity to our tour guide, and he simply explained that since everyone knows that there is no government assistance for people like him, they have to help him. They live with the fact that it could very well be them sitting  at the next intersection tomorrow… They are affected.

Allowing yourself to look at another’s affliction means nothing.  Turning your eyes away at least means you have a heart. But allowing yourself to be affected means to do what you can to help.  Not just for the “greater good”. Not because it’s the Christian thing to do. That reeks of pity and false humility.  Allow yourself to be affected enough to selflessly act.  In so doing, you help yourself.  You help yourself to be.  And the real Christian thing to do is to let Christ be who He is… through you.

Yes, being affected has a price tag.  Your time, your talent, and your treasure will pay.  Sometimes heavily.  But even if all you have is an ear to lend someone.  God can use it, if you let Him.

I don’t want to live out the rest of my days lifeless.  I want to live.  Even if my heart breaks for someone else,  I want to have one in my chest.

Deeper (Give Us Your Heart) by Israel Houghton